FOOD AND MO FOOD
"This quaint, Southern-style restaurant is a living shrine to gluttony - in the finest sense of the word,…" states a TravelChannel.com article regarding Lambert's Café. One look at the dining area of the Ozark, Missouri location and it's clear the building serves one purpose: feeding a large number of people a large quantity of food. The densely yet comfortably packed diners can order an entrée and await "pass around" items which arrive by land and by air.
That's right; Lambert's website isn't named www.ThrowedRolls.com for nothin'. Aside from enormous portions of any number of down home delights from chicken fried steak to center cut ham, fried okra, macaroni & tomatoes, black-eyed peas (Tonight's gonna be a good night.) & hot dinner rolls with a side of sorghum are brought directly to the tables so many times each customer is leaving full. Keep your eyes open though because those quadruple-decker carts with hot rolls are thrown to customers, ready or not.
Step up to the trough. Catch a roll. Enjoy a delicious meal. Lambert's Café can make any trip through Missouri a lot better.
ENTERTAINING CONVENIENCE
The nation's largest retailer, the world's most recognized name in fast-food and a pharmacy chain in the southwestern U.S. have teamed with an Illinois company to bring the convenience of dvd rental curbside. Redbox dvd vending machines can save movie watchers a stop on the way home. Once the preliminary info has been obtained on the initial rental (credit card #, e-mail address, etc.) renting dvd's at $1 a pop is easy! Great price, plentiful locations, it's a renter's paradise.
The line was forming outside the restaurant. Most of the visible cars in the parking lot were driven by dvd renters. The population outside the building was equal to that inside. There was a small patch of shade over the kiosk since it was on the east side of the structure.
The growing queue indicated the lady at the machine was a first-time renter. Understandable. Looking back, that first rental at a new-fangled dvd vending machine could be a little tricky for a garden variety novice. She kept flipping back and forth between menus on the touchscreen until it nearly defied reason. Must return video,…getting to the machine is the key. If she dropped her purse on the sidewalk, maybe the return could be processed before she stood back up. This is goin' nowhere, rapidly.
To the seasoned, dvd vending machine renter's (DVMR) eye, this is a scenario to be avoided. Speed up. Act nonchalant. There's another machine just up the street. Nearing this location, there are two vehicles of DVMR's from the grid-locked machine at the fast food place. "It's pandemonium back there!" Feigning ignorance, they get in their car and drive away.
This machine is facing west, and the sun has been beating down on it all day long. There's a fancy curtain over it which reads "Please close sunscreen when finished." An older gentleman completes his transaction and it's smooth sailin'. OUCH! The machine is hovering somewhere around the temperature of boiling water and the sunscreen isn't much cooler but it has to be held up to see the monitor. "You're dvd has been returned successfully." Success, at last. Out of curiosity, is that almost new flick available here? Nope. On to the next machine.
One hour later, popcorn bowl and Diet Dr. Pepper in hand, the spouse carries in a dvd of the same show from the local video store. "Hey, how much for the video?" "Ninety-nine cents" is the reply. "Must have had to wait in line a looong time?" "No. All the DVMR's were backed up at the Redbox so the video store was quicker". "Would you like some popcorn?" "Yes. That's convenient." Crunch, crunch, crunch,…gulp.
SPORTS JAM CLEANSING
The Golden Hurricane and the Oklahoma City Thunder NBA team have created a sports traffic jam for the city of Tulsa on Wednesday night, October 14th. That's the night TU football hosts Boise State (of Fiesta Bowl infamy) and the Thunder holds an exhibition game versus the Miami Heat. The Thunder/Heat exhibition tips off at 7pm CDT. Tulsa kicks off against the Broncos at (You guessed it.) 7pm CDT. For fans who like to go out and see state teams compete but have no strong preference for football or basketball, this will pose quite a dilemma which could tear at the fabric of sports affinity state-wide.
When a team loses it's home opener, on a neutral field, to an inferior opponent, fans have to flush it out. Oklahoma's loss to Brigham Young last weekend left many Sooner fans seeking cleansing. Here are a few tips to help after the season opening debacle in Dallas:
1) Wash every stitch of clothing taken to "Big D" TWICE, whether it was worn or not.
2) Dip soles of shoes in a sink of water and scrub them with a brush. If they're Chuck Taylors, wash and dry them. If they have leather or suede uppers, use leather/suede cleaner liberally to remove any excess soil picked up in the city of Dallas.
3) To complete the colonic for losing (losonic for short) and get the system entirely cleared, remove any OU flags or memorabilia from your vehicle.
4) Get in line at a local car wash (Act nonchalant like a DVMR.)
5) Keep your head down under the bill of a Bass Pro Shop ballcap but lift your eyes over the dash and see how many Oklahoma State fans are lined up ahead of you. They've been cleansing for years.
Doesn't that feel better? Loss recovery: Just another of the public services offered by the CPEL. [Editor's Note: The CPEL makes it a practice to deliver non-biased reports/commentary but admittedly, this was too funny to pass up.]
TULSA
TU started the 2009 campaign in mid-season form Saturday night in New Orleans, against Tulane. The Hurricane led 20-3, at the half, and was never in danger, winning 37-13. This was also the Conference USA opener so Todd Graham's team moved to 1-0 on the year and in the league.
This weekend Tulsa enters the 2nd round of a 3-game road trip with a non-conference opponent. The bus is pointed West this time and the opponent is the New Mexico Lobos. If TU's road luck holds, they should sail through this game on the arm of quarterback G.J. Kinne and the sure hands of one Slick Shelly.
TU punt returner Damaris Johnson's 66-yard TD (No, not Tom Dirato.) punt return in the fourth quarter has created a high level of anticipation for TU's special teams when opponents punt. It looks to be a great year for Tulsa Football. 'Cane 45, Lobos 20.
ARKANSAS
The Hogs rooted out a nice home victory Saturday night in Fayetteville, Arkansas taking Missouri State behind the proverbial woodshed 48-10. That has to be a satisfying win for the future bacon of America and it's fans. Arkansas didn't give up a point the entire second half. That's tough to accomplish even against NCAA Division I-AA opponent like the Bears.
U of A is idle this weekend and resumes play on September 19th versus Georgia. All Hog fans have to be excited the team is off to a 1-0 start and won in grand style. A win over currently 0-1 Georgia could get the Razorbacks on track for a nicer season than CPEL had previously predicted. Southeastern Conference teams always play a lot tougher in conference games so it remains to be seen if the Hogs can pull it off.
TENNESSEE
When was the last time Tennessee defeated anyone 63-7? Saturday in Knoxville, Tennessee. The lucky recipient of the loss was the Sunbelt Conference's Western Kentucky Hilltoppers. Fisherman Joe Kreiger used to say "They all count one". Vol fans are glad they do as their team sports a shiny 1-0 record, for now.
The Volunteers will need the emotional boost entering this weekend's game against UCLA. The Bruins have typically found a way to upset some very good teams and it is certain they will give UT their best effort at 3pm CDT. Underestimating a team coached by Rick Neuheisel would be folly for Lane Kiffin and Tennessee's coaching staff.
This one is feeling like a close last-minute victory for possibly an overtime episode. Vols hungry home crowd vaults team to victory. Rocky Top 48, Bruins 42.
OKLAHOMA STATE
In case readers have been on a deserted island with no cable or internet or telephone or telegraph or newpapers, the Apokealypse has occurred. Break into your emergency batteries and canned goods. Saturday afternoon, Oklahoma State took one small step for Pete and one giant leap for Orange Power when 53,012 fans witnessed them "bulldogging" Georgia 24-10. The win propelled the Pokes to a number 5 ranking nationally.
Boone Pickens Stadium looked like a shining jewel on the tele (British for television) and a spunky Zac Robinson led the Cowboys to the decisive win on 11-22 passing for 2 TD's (No, not Tom Dirato.) and zero interceptions. Both scoring tosses were to star wide receiver Dez Bryant. Robinson, and running backs Kendall Hunter along with Keith Toston combined for nearly 170 yards rushing. Good offensive balance like Saturday's will serve OSU well as the season wears on.
The first opportunity to keep another defense off balance comes to Stillwater, Saturday at 2:30pm CDT. The Houston Cougars aren't strangers to Oklahoma State football. This will be the third time the teams have met in four seasons. Houston upset OSU deep in the heart of Texas and the Cowboys returned the favor last season winning big over the Cougars. CPEL prediction: OSU 51, Houston 31.
JERRY'S WORLD
Another crew of Cougars was ready to growl Saturday night at "Jerry [Jones]'s World" in Arlington, Texas. First of all, the new Dallas Cowboy's Stadium is an incredible structure. It looks like a finger nail sticking up between some trees from a distance, then like a grayish white reflective UFO with four steel beam legs, one protruding from each corner, and planting itself into as many bunkeresque concrete supports, from the parking lot.
Inside, the facility has the feel of the old Texas Stadium in Irving, Texas, mixed with the Louisiana Superdome and Dallas' downtown American Airlines Arena. "It is a beautiful building isn't it? It has 3 million square feet of space and 3500 HD tele (British for television) screens placed throughout the area" the guide stated. "WOW!!!" the fans said. Words, pictures, cable, telegraph, telephone nor newspapers can describe the overwhelming nature of the two world's largest high definition television screens hanging above the playing surface.
Only seeing them in person can one render an accurate estimation of true magnitude. To top it off, there are two smaller ones facing each end zone and hanging from the same framework. "Do you think anyone will hit the tele (British for television) with a kick tonight?" "They raised it up higher last week" the guide continued, "If they hit it tonight, the Cowboys should sign them up right away". Watching the game on the field is nearly impossible with a display like that in the viewfinder. Even with the distractions, it's amazing.
OKLAHOMA
The 6pm CDT kick-off commenced what has become Oklahoma's customary series of illegal procedure penalties as offensive linemen were jumpier than Barney Fife after locking himself inside one of Mayberry's two jail cells. The Sooners led 10-3 at the half. Just before the intermission, Heisman Trophy quarterback Sam Bradford suffered a shoulder injury which sidelined him for the rest of the evening. That left the offensive controls in the hands of redshirt freshman Landry Jones.
With a solid football name like Landry, fans had to figure he would know his way around a backfield. While Jones didn't really commit any errors which hurt the team, he didn't exactly light up the BYU defense, which seemed to pick up steam as the night went on, denying OU the end zone at which time the offensive line penalized itself back to the 6-yard line. Adding three points on the field goal kept the team from having enough points to win. OU's defense didn't play particularly badly, but had to be disappointed not to win after holding BYU to only two TD's (No, not Tom Dirato.) in the contest.
After giving up home field advantage (There's no way BYU beats this team in Norman, Oklahoma) and receiving the first loss of the season, Oklahoma returns to the friendly confines of home this Saturday evening at 6pm CDT. This week's victim, Idaho State. OU 70, ISU 0.
The only person this game will help is Jones who needs experience to be able to perform as an adequate backup quarterback. The rainbow passes he was tossing around in the third quarter Saturday made the eyes of every defensive back in the Big 12 Conference a big as saucers. The challenges are great. Let the excitement begin.
THE PERCENTAGES
OU's loss and OSU's victory last weekend left a two-game pock mark on the CPEL's picks record for the week. The current tally is 3-2 for all those college basketball fans out there.
God bless all the families affected by the events of September 11, 2001. CPEL remembers. God Bless America!!!
Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!
Carlos
www.crimsonpigskin.com
THE CRIMSON PIGSKIN e-LETTER
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