The Crimson Pigskin e-Letter: Vol 11, Issue 22

THE CRIMSON PIGSKIN e-LETTER

 

BELLY LAUGH

 

No more sleepless nights because the wait is over.  An age old mystery has been solved.  FoxNews.com reports after three years of gazing into his own navel and the navels of others, an Austrian chemist, by the name of Georg Steinhauser, has discovered the cause of belly button lint.  His claim is abdominal hair acts as hooks which pull unsuspecting cloth fibers into spelunker's cave where forces similar to those at work in the center of a black hole make the matter very dense.  The article states, "Therefore, this is a typically male phenomenon. The abdominal hair collects fibers from cotton shirts and directs them into the navel where they are compacted to a felt-like matter."

 

Steinhauser's report went on to identify the average bearer of navel lint as "a slightly overweight middle-aged male with a hairy abdomen."   An all too common tale to be sure.  "[Steinhauser] also noticed that 'old T-shirts or dress shirts produce less navel fuzz than brand new T-shirts.'"  So redirect that wardrobe budget and pick up those new tees later.  For added economical entertainment, save up all your lint specimens, and those from all available sources you know the origin of, to make your own pillow.  Now the secret of navel lint has been unveiled, there will be a lot more peaceful rest around the globe.

 

78.9 MILES PER HOUR

 

"Where's your hat?"  This guy didn't look like he'd served a heartbeat on a pirate ship but there he was walking past the malt vinegar bottles sporting his card stock pirate hat.  The symbolic skull and bones sky piece carried the announcement he had "sailed away from the ordinary".  No argument. 

 

He appeared to have come from a table with a woman and a young boy.  Hoping he was setting his course back over that direction, the reply came, "Just waiting for the big moment".   Every old salt knows timing is critical when planning to hoist the colors and set sail.  Courtesy smiles were exchanged with the humorous quips and he returned to his crew.

 

Were speeding permitted on the fair highways and byways of the great State of Oklahoma, 78.9 miles per hour would have been the velocity of choice since time had apparently accelerated and escaped to the point infringing on speed ordinances seemed like a good idea.  The race was on.  Six-thirty o'clock came and went like another mile marker.  What was the big deal?  Shipwreck treasure!  Arrrrgh!

 

This particular evening was extraordinary because it was one of those functions lending private access to Odyssey Marine Exploration's Shipwreck Pirates & Treasure exhibit at the Oklahoma Science Museum.  The display contains items found at the shipwreck site of a Civil War steamship named The Republic.  There are a number of interesting items and some interactive kiosks which allow visitors to attempt to recover simulated treasure (Arrrrrrgh!).  There is a collection of belongings of actual former pirates and plenty of supporting information spread throughout the Shipwreck galleries.

 

Another item of note is a life-sized model of the Zeus Remotely Operated Vehicle (ROV) which is currently used by archaeologists to search wreckage for treasure (Arrrrrrgh!).  There is an additional simulator which allows the guidance of Zeus to lift rare precious cyber booty from its aquatic home like an underwater crane game.

 

A very interesting part of the tour is a hurricane simulator tube.  It looks like a phone booth.  Stepping into the plexiglass canister and closing the door presses the switch which activates the wind turbines.  There's one fan blowing air horizontally at approximately knee level.  The other fan is blowing air straight down from above tube so it's difficult to tell which direction the wind is actually being clocked in. 

 

A wind meter shows the lucky gustee inside and those watching and chuckling outside the cylinder how fast the wind is traveling.  Just when thoughts drift to a journey through the vacuum transport system in a bank drive-thru, the felt-like matter can be felt gently lifting, rearranging and being replanted in one's navel.  When the wind speed reaches 78.9 miles per hour, the turbines slow down and gradually the wind subsides, leaving the participant with ruffled clothing and a new hair style.

 

"You ring it!"  "No, you do it!"  Clang!  There was Captain Jack, his wife, son and and a scallywag who was the spittin' image of Sparrow himself, Captain Jack the Elder grinning under his balding noggin which was crowned with his cardstock lid.  "Happy sailing!"  Arrrrrgh!  "Happy Sailing to you."

 

SPRINGS AND BLOCKS

 

Spring football practice has started this week all over America.  While Oklahoma State is Marveling at the question of whether to attempt to recruit former Miami University quarterback Robert Marve, the Sooners are addressing the issue of replacing four, possibly all five offensive linemen.  Failure to train another O-line by fall will certainly block OU's chances at yet another championship run this season.  OU offensive coordinator, Kevin Wilson, is a magician with developing young linemen but it will be a tall order in a year the rest of the Big 12 is hoping to exact revenge on Oklahoma. 

 

The Cowboys will be breaking in a new, yet familiar, defensive coordinator in Bill Young.  Reportedly, the former OU defensive coordinator is an OSU graduate and is happy to be back in the state.  Typically when the Oklahoma State offense scored what appeared to be enough points to win a game, the defense would give up more.  If Young can stick around Stillwater, long enough, the Pokes' defensive effort can be brought up enough to match the very good production the offense has been having.  That can spell more wins.

 

Defending Big 12 Conference champion Oklahoma will have a decent if not solid defensive unit and hasn't lost any assistants so far this off-season.  Finding an anchor like linebacker Ryan Reynolds can make this unit downright stingy.  If and when the defense steps up, it will be a fun group to watch this fall.  There are a lot of good offensive players in the Big 12 who are currently licking their lips in anticipation.

 

MADNESS?

 

It's March.  That means after a weekend of did those three games actually account for anything? conference tournaments is over, the Madness can ensue.  Thursdays through Sundays the latter half of this month, there will be hoops on in the morning and hoops on at night.  If watching March Madness is wrong, fans don't wanna be right.

 

OU, a team of destiny, is reminiscent of Bob Huggins Cincinnati Bearcat teams a few years back.  Oklahoma has mystique and talent up and down the roster.  Youth notwithstanding, they could actually make a Final Four appearance, then win it all.

 

National superstar, Blake Griffin, sat out a couple of games after receiving a concussion in Austin, Texas against the Longhorns.  One of those games was a miserable home loss to the Kansas Jayhawks last Monday night.  The teams were tied for first place in the Big 12 entering the contest.  The Jayhawks emerged from Lloyd Noble Center with the lead.

 

Griffin is now back in the lineup and will make Jeff Capel's Sooners a very tough team to beat.  Don't forget about freshman phenom guard, Willie Warren.  Seeing those two on the court is a slice of 1988 all over again.  Basketball at Lloyd Noble Center is fun to watch again.

 

Travis Ford has the Cowboys playing good basketball just in time for a possible invitation to the big dance.  They defeated Kansas State tonight by a score of 77-71 in Stillwater.  That is win number six in a row for OSU which faces Oklahoma on Saturday afternoon in Norman.  Bedlam equals madness so the festivities start early this March.

 

BILL HALEY'S TIME TRAVEL

 

[The following is a public service announcement of the Crimson Pigskin e-Letter.]

 

One o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock rock!,….  In what astronomers are billing a good year for comets, the band would be proud to know everyone who participates in daylight savings time will leap one hour into the future Sunday morning at 2:00am (insert your time zone abbreviation here.).  3:01am will be exactly the same moment as 2:01am.  Thus, a flux capacitor, like the one being driven around inside a souped up Back to the Future movie prop Delorean on Cherry Street, will not be necessary to hurdle most of North America into the future.  When that car hits 78.9 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious lint removal. 

 

Remember to set your clocks forward one hour.  Thank you, Bill Haley & The Comets.  Thank you, Benjamin Franklin.  Thank you astronomers.  Keep reaching for the stars.

 

Thank you for reading.  Have a great week!

 

Carlos

 

P.S.  Remember to check out www.crimsonpigskin.com to see if you have missed any of the special winter/spring issues posted recently.

 

THE CRIMSON PIGSKIN e-LETTER