DUCKY MOON CHIMES
Fall in Oklahoma is one of the best times of the year, football-wise and weather-wise. It was one of those fabulous fall evenings and there was a glowing crescent moon, one night shy of a full quarter, hovering over the Oklahoma Stage. A light breeze was stirring and a deafening high-pitched roar swirled over the corner of the fair grounds. Ears rang but it accented the magical night. Several thousand people, mostly screaming little girls between the ages of five and fourteen years old, were gathered to hear Nickelodeon musician, Drake Bell (courtesy of Disney Radio, how does that work?) from the kids' show Drake and Josh, perform.
There was something for everyone, young and old as Bell and his five compadres opened the show with Elvis Presley's opener (when he was alive, er, uh, when he was still performing, for the Graceland clingers on out there) C.C. Rider. Then there was a series of Beatle-like tunes, pop hits sprinkled in, from the twenty year old front (young) man and his equally chronologically challenged band. The group was young but the music was exacting and the talent was apparent. Bell's smallish stature didn't bother the children who cheered and sang along, some standing on chairs so the stage could be seen.
Pineapple whip and funnel cake still on her breath, she leaned over and said "Thank you Daddy. Don't tell anyone I screamed or cried a little bit" said the nearly eleven year old who was celebrating an early birthday at the concert. "Okay Doll." Don't tell anyone Daddy did too.
TIPPING THE SCALES
Famous mountaineer (no, not West Virginia Mountaineer) billionaire Jed Clampett once left an interesting tip for his waitress. "Plant your corn early" he said. More contemporarily, a Tulsa physician who wasn't happy with service at a Tex-Mex eatery said his tip was "Don't wait on me again!" "Don't take any wooden nickels" (anonymous), "If you go [to Russia] take a jacket" (Billy Crystal), "Don't get caught watchin' the paint dry." (Hoosier's Shooter Fleish) or "There is a God and I'm not him" (Rudy Reuttiger's mentor at Holy Cross) are all worthy of our attention but these tips are easily earned and freely distributed. Most of them are met with a chuckle. When cash is left peeking out from under the edge of that platter, still covered with deep fried crumbs and leftover awesome blossom sauce, avarice can go to seed.
Since the first brontosaurus-burger was served in the town of Bedrock, notorious members of wait staff crews have decided if tips are seen lying on a table they belong to the person who spies the tips no matter whose table or section the tips may lie in. A party of 30 drops a hefty sum on the table after dinner,…no problem. Seeing the group enter and exit the establishment qualifies any waiter or waitress to gather up some or all the tips, preferably if the person who did the actual serving doesn't see the clever sleight of hand. Of course this is a highly unethical practice but in the interest of fairness the CPEL has a suggestion to even the playing field.
In a scenario not unlike the old World Wrestling Federation matches, during which twenty wrestlers begin a match in the ring at once, tip distribution could be handled in much the same way. During a battle royal match, elimination is achieved when a pro wrestler is tossed out of the ring over the top rope. Last wrestler left is "king of the ring". All tables in the dining area could be positioned around the room in a squared circle (Never really understood what the heck a squared circle was but wrestling announcers are very familiar with it.) with a large area in the center of the square. The floor has to be cleaned anyway so moving the tables isn't that big of a deal.
One table can be placed in the center of the "ring" and all the tips collected can be placed right smack dab in the middle of the center table. Then all members of the wait staff can be positioned equidistant from the center table around the perimeter of the square (kind of like a mini land run). When the staff hears the magic word, "BUSBOY!", its every waiter/waitress for him/herself. Much like the electronics aisle of a favorite department store at a day after Thanksgiving sale, the melee begins. Elbows flying, pushing, shoving and wanton greed not seen since the last Oklahoma-Texas football game ensues.
Whoever can gain possession of any amount of treasure, like a Missouri defender covering an Oklahoma State fumble, gets to keep his or her lucre. The person with the fewest shekels sweeps the floor. The person with the second lowest total on the cash-o-meter puts the tables back where they belong.
Then employee of the month can be based on quickness, strength and agility of the workers (Sounds a little like football.). Crimony! (Captain) Jack Sparrow wins again?!? Or did Spongebob Squarepants absorb the most tips? Ariel, The Little Mermaid? Management would only have to schedule one battle royal and the tip swipers (no swiping!) would stay away from everyone else's tables. Now there's an idea that would tip the scales!
CPEL,…serving the nation's wait staff for eleven years!
THE RIGHT REASONS
Often, CPEL makes an issue of schools playing football and mankind generally using its strengths for "the right reasons". The right reasons can be different depending on the topic and abilities of the individuals involved but clearly, what is going on in a football program at Central Arkansas versus what happens at Florida is different and the "old college try" means much more to Central Arkansas Bears than wins and losses mean to the UCLA Bruins (Bears, for the zoologically challenged reader). Tigers at Auburn, Missouri or LSU are eyeing spots in the National Football League and the Bears (Oh my!) at Missouri State are eyeing the chance to obtain a college diploma by playing a sport they love.
This is a story of a young lady whose dream day included lots of twenty year old stars and it is safe to say Drake Bell was not among them. Recently, Boomer Blast Newsletter related the story of 8 year old Kiki Calton and her day with the Sooners at Owen Field. When an OU football fan from North Carolina found out she could not use the game tickets and sideline passes she had won in an online auction, she wanted to make sure someone who had not had a previous opportunity could enjoy a day in Norman, Oklahoma watching one of the best teams in the country.
Calton, recipient of two bone marrow transplants at OUCH (no pun intended) became recipient of the Sooner experience because the donor requested a patient from the Children's Hospital at OU Medical Center be given the prize in her absence. In honor of this gift which was bestowed for all the right reasons, CPEL says, hats off to Dian Rowan, for giving Kiki the "once-in-a-lifetime" gift, of rubbing elbows with the Sooners, and cheering them on to victory. Mrs. Rowan, you are a champion today!
STRANGE CHARACTERS
While a title like "Strange Characters" may lend itself to thoughts of ticket scalpers, pro wrestlers, Dale Gribble (King of the Hill) or actor Jaleel White, playing Steve Erkel, in re-runs of the iconic television sitcom Family Matters, the strange characters referred to here are the ones in last week's Crimson Pigskin e-Letter. Through no fault of CPEL or the www.crimsonpigskin.com blog, the apostrophes in the text were transformed into square symbols followed by the letter "f". CPEL apologizes for the substitutions and extraneous material and hopefully this note will be box-free. For all you geeks out there, this note is in plain text format. In any event, it will be a great weekend for college football fans, strange characters or not.
TULSA
Question of the week: KOTV.com reports Tulsa is one of 16 undefeated teams in NCAA Division I-A football. TU is the only undefeated team not ranked in the top 25 nationally. Should TU be ranked? Replies and other thoughts can be posted at www.crimsonpigskin.com or by replying to this note.
Last week found Tulsa celebrating homecoming against Rice. The Owls never got off the ground at Skelly Field as TU posted a 63-28 win. After five games, TU is averaging just over 56 points per game. That's good production for some basketball teams. Can they keep up that kind of scoring barrage for the rest of the season? Evidently, the old Western Athletic Conference philosophy of the best defense is a great offense has been brought back to T-Town.
The Golden Hurricane visits Dallas, Texas on Saturday evening, just off Highway 75 North and Mockingbird Lane. That's when they pay a visit to Southern Methodist University. A more picturesque small school stadium you'll not find in the southwestern region. Hurricane Ike didn't visit Texas to take in the scenery and the Golden Hurricane isn't likely to send any postcards from Big D either. Kick-off is at 7pm CDT. Tulsa rolls. Hurricane 48, Modern fiberglass Mustangs 31.
ARKANSAS
Razorback Football with Bobby Petrino spread a small amount of Razorback joy as fans were allowed to ask Coach Petrino questions like "What do you do when you have time off from coaching?" Petrino said he liked to golf with his daughter until she became a better golfer than he is. Then in an instant, Coach's smiling face became very sober looking when the tele (British for television) host said. "We'll be back with second half highlights [of a 38-7 rout at the hands of the Florida Gators] right after this".
After one missed Hog field goal, Petrino said he's been working with the team on "finishing" drives and games in a good way. The errant kick was a drop in the bucket compared to the 38 point torrent Florida dumped on U of A but it could have turned the game around at the time. Dehydrated players have learned to finish a cup of Gatorade and Petrino will get the ship righted but it's painful for big red pig fans to watch the progression. The line at the concession stand may have been heard saying, "I'd like a Diet Pepsi please". "Would you like some nausea with that?" Why not?
Auburn has built defense and it's a tough fence to get past. How high is that fence? The Tigers have given up 67 total points to opponents in the first six contests. The fact the Tigers are at home Saturday for the 4pm kick-off against Arkansas means the boys in cardinal with the pigs on their helmets will feel the Au-burn like digesting a basket of "blazin' wings" from Buffalo Wild Wings (it's like melting one's own tongue into a flaming puddle for the sake of that delectable wing flavor). Good news? The Hogs can be called win or lose (Whoa! Pig! souie! RAZORBACKS! Bad news? Auburns gonna spank some pork butt (pun intended). 'Burn 31, Razorbacks 5.
TENNESSEE
After eeking out a 13-9 win over a 2-3 Northern Illinois Huskies team Saturday, the Tennessee obviously has some real Volunteer work to do before they are presentable in public. With the athletes on campus, it boggles the mind (as Jim Traber would say) that a Phillip Fulmer coached team could get pulled into a defensive battle with a relative no-name school unless there was something else really wrong in Knoxville, Tennessee.
The World's Fair left town twenty-six years ago. The team should be over it by now. Oh the humanity. Think of the 109,000 plus fans who crowd into Neyland Cathedral for home games. Think of that dude in the hound dog suit sweating it out for the cause and Richard Simmons isn't even there to keep him motivated.
The rag-tag 2-3 tangerine machine visits the angry Georgia Bulldogs on Saturday afternoon. Why the nasty disposition in a place where everything is peachy? When the 'Dawgs last took the field two weeks ago, they were dispensed with by a spunky Alabama Crimson Tide team handily in front of the UGA faithful. With a weekend off to stew in their kennels, Georgia will bring the peach flavored chip on its shoulder and drag the Volunteers behind the proverbial woodshed to prove to the nation they are better than their 11-point loss to 'Bama indicates. Kick-off is at 2:30pm CDT and it's gonna be UGAly. 'Dawgs 45, Vols 17.
OKLAHOMA STATE
Texas A&M came into T. Boone Pickens Stadium Saturday night and left "Tex &". Oklahoma State ran up 56 points on what is by aTm standards not a very good defensive unit. It was the fourth game in a row the Pokes have scored 55 or more points in. The orange offense is on fire.
The Cowboy defense gave up 28 points to a suspect Aggie offense and this could be cause for concern in coming weeks against teams such as the Texas Longhorns and the Texas Tech Red Raiders which have put a lot of points on the board in a hurry against early season competition.
"The eighty-eight team, hands down!" That was OSU coach Mike Gundy's response when asked the question by a media member "Which team was better? The 1988 [Cowboys] (a team Gundy quarterbacked while he shared a backfield with legendary all-everything running back Barry Sanders) or the 2008 team (Gundy currently coaches)." Bet he wishes the 1988 Missouri Tigers were suiting up in Columbia Saturday. No such luck.
While MU's hero of the hour, quarterback Chase Daniel, conjures up images of a great college quarterback who has an NFL shelf-life of about thirty seconds at 25 degrees Celsius with no wind, the versatile Jeremy Macklin is a great ball player and could make the starting team anywhere in the nation. He plays lots of positions very well and makes big plays look as easy as that button on the Staples commercials. Is OSU's defense ready for this kind of onslaught in the unfriendly confines of Faurot Field? Nope. But they'll hang in there for a while as that championship season eludes Pistol Pete's grasp yet again. MU 51, OSU 48 in double OT.
OKLAHOMA
Write down every strategy for picking college football winners on a piece of paper. Fold the paper in half. Drop the paper into a shredder and send the strips to a recycling center because the information on those shreds is useless when it comes to picking a winner in the legendary Red River Rivalry between the Oklahoma Sooners and the Texas Longhorns. These two longtime enemies have been going at it for decades and this year there is more on the line than just bragging rights or a conference championship. The 2008 installment could produce, in the form of the winner, a Bowl Championship Series National Championship team. The Governors of both states have bet "cases of steaks" their state's team will win. Does it get much more exciting than that? Yeah, it does.
Of course there are many games to be played between Saturday and the end of the schedule but there is as much at stake for both teams as there has ever been in series history. Texas fans are arriving for Saturday's 11am CDT kick-off to see if the Fletcher's Corny Dog stand at the State Fair of Texas opens early enough for breakfast or (as ESPN reports) a Longhorn secondary with only one senior and several sophomores and freshmen can pin down one of the more prolific Sooner offensive units in recent memory. Ranked 5th nationally, Texas could jump to number two with a win and with top 10 teams dropping like flies on a weekly basis, it would put UT in great position to play in the Orange Bowl if they can win a conference title game in Kansas City this December.
The Sooner Schooner is blazing a trail into Dallas with high hopes the OU offensive line, consisting of 4 seniors and one junior can keep the 'Horn defensive line out of the Sooner backfield. This may be coach Stoops' best team in the ten seasons he's been at OU so fan expectations are high and most of the media is saying Oklahoma will win based on the talent on the field. That's all well and good until the pigskin is kicked and that wonderful unbalanced, elated one minute dejected the next, sunburned on one side of the face feeling kicks in. Then it's crimson and burnt orange mayhem.
One end of the stadium will be red, the other orange, to the tune of 92,000 maniacal fans in the newly renovated and expanded Cotton Bowl. Only the Texas A&M versus Texas game outshines this one for Bevo & Company. For Oklahomans, OU/Texas Weekend is a holiday. What a sport. What a day. What a game. Oklahoma 34, Texas 24.
THE PERCENTAGES
Last week CPEL went 5-0 bringing the season total to 24-1. That's 96% for all those Austin steer wranglers out there. Onward and upward!
Thank you for reading and have a great weekend!
Carlos
THE CRIMSON PIGSKIN e-LETTER
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